INTERVIEW OF JUBAL DURFEE, Part III.

Continuing my interview of Jubal Durfee, whom I met at the gun show recently. Jubal is active in Republican politics in his hometown of Bee Keeper, Arkansas.


THOLOS: You seem to say that if the President lied to Congress and the American people to get us into the war in Iraq, that it was okay, because it was a lie for God. Is that correct?

JUBAL: Yeah, somethin’ like that.

THOLOS: But what about the rule of law?

JUBAL: Rule of law?

THOLOS: Don’t people in a democracy have a voice in what happens?

JUBAL: Oh, sure, they do. You betcha. They can go vote, which is what they did. They voted Bush back in.

THOLOS: But if he’s lying to us, how can we make an informed decision about how to cast our votes?

JUBAL: Well, if he’s lyin’ for God, then I don’t think we need to be concerned. Our vote is bound to come out right.

THOLOS: So, you’re saying we just throw out the rule of law and go with lies and deceptions?

JUBAL: Rule of law? What is that? I don’t know anybody that even thinks like that, except liberals. I mean, sure, we have to have laws and rules, I guess. But I don’t see that many people squawkin’ about the rule of law, at least, not in this country. First place, people are too damn busy to think about those kinda things. It’s too abstract for ‘em. You know, most of us aren’t trained as lawyers. We don’t sit around readin’ the fine print. But that’s why we elected a strong leader—somebody that would just roll up his sleeves and get the job done, and not get hung up on all these rules. These Godless liberals think they have to have a voice in everything that happens.

THOLOS: But isn’t that the definition of a democracy?

JUBAL: Well, technically, I guess. But are we talkin’ about actual democracy? How do we define that, anyway? I think it’s strictly an ideal kinda thing, ain’t it? Like when you’re out huntin’ and you run up on the perfect deer—a fine buck with a nice rack on, and you got a clear shot. It’s like winnin’ the lottery or not havin’ to work for a livin’. Sure, we all want those things. And we should strive to get ‘em. But nothin’s perfect, and you can’t spend every minute whinin’ over ever’ little flaw. Not when we have enemies in the world that covet our way of life and would like to kill us. See, you cain’t reason with people like that. Best you can do is just round ‘em up and throw ‘em in a pen, like a bunch of mad dogs, which is what they are.

THOLOS: Where does that leave the Bill of Rights? Do you believe in that?

JUBAL: Well, sure. Of course I do! I love the Bill of Rights. But you know what? Between you and me, I’ve never actually read ‘em. Have you? Can you name ‘em all off, one after another? I doubt if G.W. knows what they are. I guarantee you he’s too damn busy to sit down and learn all that stuff. I mean, if that’s what it took to be President, nobody would be President. I know there’s s’posed to be freedom of religion, but these secularists are doin’ their best to break that rule. And there’s freedom of speech. But we can’t pray in the schools, so I don’t believe we have freedom of speech. So, what good is the Bill of Rights? Maybe you can answer me that, ‘cause I can’t.

THOLOS: Getting back to the prayer issue. I’m curious. Why do you have to have prayers said over a loud speaker in a classroom? If a child just wants to quietly bow his head in school and say a prayer, who’s actually stopping him?

JUBAL: Ah, man, you know as well as I do a kid ain’t gonna do that on his own. In the first place, all those kids with Godless liberal parents would probably ridicule the kids that wanted to pray. And anyway, you gotta make ‘em recite. That’s the whole foundation of our schools. I mean, do you honestly think a kid is just gonna sit there and read his textbook without somebody pushin’ him to do it? Same thing with prayer. Same thing with the Pledge of Allegiance. All these things. Which every kid was brought up to do since the beginning of this country. Including Thomas Jefferson and you and me. I don’t see that it did us any harm, do you? Do you feel like you were brainwashed or somethin’?

THOLOS: I was raised a Methodist, so reciting Christian prayers aloud didn’t really bother me. But perhaps if I’d been a Muslim or a Jew or any other faith, then I can see how it might have made me or my parents uncomfortable. Do you think we have a responsibility to protect the rights of those people?

JUBAL: Look, all I see is too many people worried about the rights of this little handful over here, and nobody worried about my rights or my kids’ rights. And this was our country long before these Godless outsiders showed up here. Our founding fathers weren’t Jews or Muslims or Hindus, or any of these other things. They were God-fearing Christians and they wanted God in our country. An’ I don’t see what’s so terrible about that. I’ll be runnin’ for school board next year, so I’ll be workin’ on that real hard. I’ll also be lookin’ into the textbook problem, as well.

THOLOS: What problem is that?

JUBAL: Just—the whole evolution fiasco. I’ve already told my kids to ignore it, since it’s just a half-baked theory, anyway, and not a proven fact. I think a majority of Bee Keeper folks are doin’ the same with their kids. Right now, we’ve got after school classes goin’, teachin’ our kids the correct version of things. And if I get on the school board I’m gonna see to it that our viewpoint gets equal time in the classroom.

THOLOS: So you want Creationism taught in the public schools?

JUBAL: We call it Intelligent Design.

THOLOS: Do you want that presented as science or as--?

JUBAL: I think it oughta be taught in the same class as evolution. They’re callin’ their thing science. I don’t see why we can’t call ours whatever we want.

THOLOS: You mean you would call the Bible story—science?

JUBAL: I don’t see why not.

THOLOS: So, you’re saying you believe strictly in the Biblical version of the origin of the earth and of all life on the planet?

JUBAL: Yes, sir, all the way.

THOLOS: And so, do you believe the earth is—what? Four thousand years old?

JUBAL: Closer to six thousand, I think.

THOLOS: Six thousand. Really?

JUBAL: Yep.

THOLOS: Do you think it just took six thousand years for the Colorado River to carve the Grand Canyon?

JUBAL: Well, first off, I don’t think the Grand Canyon was carved by any river.

THOLOS: You don’t?

JUBAL: No sirree-bob. God carved it. God was the artist. And He could’a done it in six minutes if he’d wanted to. Personally, I think it arrived intact.

THOLOS: Intact? You mean—already completed?

JUBAL: Right.

THOLOS: So, the geologists got it wrong?

JUBAL: I dunno. What do they say?

THOLOS: They think it took a little longer. A few million years.

JUBAL: They got it wrong.

THOLOS: They’ve got ways of measuring the age of rocks, you know. They can do it pretty accurately, now.

JUBAL: So they’d like us to think. But I think they’re blowin’ smoke out their rear ends.

THOLOS: Are you saying that scientists around the world are just making these things up?

JUBAL: Maybe.

THOLOS: Why would they do that?

JUBAL: Maybe you oughta ask them.

THOLOS: I’m asking you.

JUBAL: Well, I think they’re in league with the Devil.

THOLOS: So, archeology, botany, biology, chemistry, physics, and geology—these are just things the Devil dreamed up—is that what you’re saying?

JUBAL: I don’t know if the Devil dreamed ‘em up or the scientists did. But the Devil has his seal of approval on all of it, and that’s what I’m against.

THOLOS: Why would the Devil have so much interest in evolution?

JUBAL: Because it wins people away from God, as our Creator and Redeemer.

THOLOS: I see.

JUBAL: You know, if you look at all the things that are goin’ on right now—that are bringin’ our country down, you can trace just about all of it back to one place—one wrong turn in the road. Evolution.

THOLOS: What things are you talking about?

JUBAL: Oh, things like the Kinsey Report, for instance.

THOLOS: The Kinsey Report?

JUBAL: Yeah. You had this sex-crazed man and his wife—both of ‘em, atheists—tryin’ to promote their perverted lifestyle by callin’ it science.

THOLOS: I see. And what other things were caused by evolution?

JUBAL: Well, the sexual revolution, feminism, divorce, abortion, homosexuals, even Hitler.

THOLOS: Evolution caused all those things?

JUBAL: Belief in it, yessiree.

THOLOS: And caused homosexuals?

JUBAL: Yep.

THOLOS: Divorce? Feminism? And Hitler?

JUBAL: Yep. Hitler was big into evolution. Survival of the fittest, right? He was real big on that. So was Kinsey. So are all the feminists, the fairies and the abortion doctors. It’s the one thing they all have in common. They’ve all rejected God and believe in the false god, evolution. See once you accept evolution, you’ve opened the door to all kinds of deviant thoughts and behaviors.

THOLOS: I see.