Sunday, June 11, 2006


In case anybody missed it, the Raptures occurred on the day after the “Day of the Beast.” The Day of the Beast was June 6th. The next morning, June 7th, at precisely ten a.m., the Raptures occurred, according to an expert Source.

As usual, the mainstream press either skipped the event entirely or else simply failed to report it. Apparently, it wasn't as big a deal as so many of the Christian community have long been certain it would be. Numerous witnesses in the Middle East, from Iraq to Israel, reported seeing the son of God appear in a cloud, then disappear after hovering there for about thirty minutes.

As of this writing, there have been no confirmed reports or sightings of people actually being swept into the air, and flying up to the open arms of Jesus. Descriptions of the event, variously known as “The End Times,” “The Raptures,” “The Great Snatch,” and so on, usually involve descriptions of people flying out the windows of their homes, or being sucked abruptly from their cars, thus leaving their vehicles to careen out of control, running off the road, smashing into bridges, or colliding with other cars still manned by unsaved sinners. Likewise, suddenly unpiloted aircraft plummet from the sky, babies and other loved ones disappear, homes burst into flames, and so on.

Apparently those who are “raptured” get a free “Go Be With The Lord Pass.” Instead of dying, they are snatched up and transported directly to be with the Lord. Enoch is said to be the first person to be raptured (See Genesis 5:24). Others include Elijah, Isaiah, Philip, Paul, Calvin Coolidge, and numerous others.

The ones who are “left behind,” including all unbelieving Jews, as well as the unconverted, are marked for eternal annihilation in the “lake of fire.”

Predictions for the Rapture have been frequent, and obviously incorrect. The most recent predictions have been 1988, '89, '92, '93, '94, '97, '98, and 2000. In the final Rapture, millions of believers were predicted to be swept up like a school of guppies in God's big net. It is thought that these millions have been anxiously anticipating this historic event for some thirty years, if not longer.

We at Tholos are both honored and humbled to be able to break this story. Obviously, we are not free to divulge our Source, but let's just say we have it on pretty damned good authority.

We hesitated at first to report it, knowing that few would believe it, especially those who have long expressed confidence that they would be among the “elect” to be raptured. At the same time, we feared setting off a wave of hysteria or panic among those same persons once it dawned on them that they might not have “made the cut” after all. Ultimately, we just felt the story was too important to let it go unreported; such was the precedent set by such newspapers as The New York Times, which sat on the NSA spy story for a full year before reporting it.

In light of there being no conclusive evidence that anyone was actually “raptured” on June 7, i.e., no cars careening, no planes falling from the sky, no loved ones suddenly vanishing, leaving piles of rumpled clothes in their place, the question arises, how can it be called “The Raptures”?

We feel this is strictly a theological question best left to the experts, such as Pat Robertson or Tim LaHaye. We only know that our Source, who is very highly placed, and whose credentials are without peer, confirmed for us that, indeed, The Raptures did occur on June 7. "Is that all there is to it?" he was asked. "Yes, that's all there is," he replied, "So just keep dancing, break out the booze, and have a ball."


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