Tuesday, June 27, 2006


There's been a lot made of the famous kiss lately--the one President Bush planted on the compliant cheek of his favorite Democrat, Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.

Well, something about this pricked up my ears. For one thing, it struck me as odd the way Time Magazine keeps drumming home the phrase "moderate senator Joseph Lieberman," as if Lieberman's across-the-board support of everything from the War On Terror to Bush's rabid judicial nominees, torture, and illegal wire-tapping, were just "moderate" positions that any reasonable, ethical person should take.

But that kiss has been hounding me, too. I just didn't know what to make of it. Then I got to snooping around, made a few calls. One thing lead to another and--presto! Out of the blue, I hooked up with a source who I'll just have to call, well--"Deep Throat." Yes, I know it's been used before. But with all due respect to the other one, now it suddenly seems even more appropriate.

Anyway, this source, who is pretty high up in the administration, told me he has seen the President with Joe Lieberman on numerous occasions, and insists that the kiss on the cheek was just a sample, "a mere trifling." In fact, the President was observed on two separate occasions actually groping the moderate Democratic senator in the back seat of a limosine as they sped off to a fishing retreat in the Wyoming mountains. A sheepherder in the area left a signed affidavit with the postmaster in Thermopolis saying that he had observed them sleeping in the same tent, cavorting in the weeds, and riding horseback together--on the same horse. And upon their return both times, witnesses say they brought back no fish in their baskets and that their equipment looked as shiny as when it was originally purchased at a Riverton, Wyoming WalMart.

Meanwhile, Laura Bush seems to have been under quite a bit of stress lately, underscored by the fact that she has been taking prescription anti-depressants dating back precisely to her husband's June, 2005 State of the Union Address--yes, the night of that furtive quick smooch.

And later at a garden party that same night, the President's wife walked in on the two fishing buddies and was "knocked off her feet" when she saw her husband sticking his tongue down the moderate senator's throat.

Not surprisingly, this story has gone largely unreported in the main-stream press, but is apparently rather well known in the somewhat incestuous political circles of the Capitol city. Privately, Hillary Clinton has expressed dismay that she did not receive the same or similar treatment from the President as her fellow senator. After all, she insists, she has been just as supportive of the President's policies, and she is better looking. Or, at least, she believes so.

Senator John McCain observed Lieberman standing so often with the Republicans and applauding the President during his State of the Union Address, that he thought of Lieberman as "The Lone Ranger," and said he "secretly wished that Joe would don a white hat and mask and come across the aisle and sit with me. I would gladly play Tonto to his Trigger anytime," McCain is said to have said.

Deep Throat has noticed that moderate Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice has been even more stormy than usual of late, and thinks her recent lashings out at Iran and her expressed desire to "drop a nuclear bomb on somebody" might be an attempt to vent certain undefined frustrations on "any small middle Eastern country." (In addition to Iraq, of course.)

All these events could go a long way toward explaining the vehemence of Congressional Republicans in their quest to cobble together a marriage amendment that would strictly define marriage as the union between a man and a woman. Bearing in mind that Joe Lieberman could well be defeated in his next senatorial election, which would thus leave him emotionally spent and at loose ends, there is some speculation that at the end of the President's term, Bush might be contemplating leaving his wife and running off with the former senator. Should the two of them turn up married in San Francisco, it could prove a huge embarrassment to the GOP. Hence, the rush to pass the marriage amendment.

Incidentally, Deep Throat thinks there may be a last-minute attempt to insert some extra language into the proposed amendment that would make legal only those black marriages that adhere to the old ritual of jumping the broom.

Meanwhile, the question of whether Hispanics seeking marriage would be required to jump over a bucket of water (representing the Rio Grande), break a pinada while blindfolded or perform some other rite, is still being debated by some Republican senators.


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